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a triangle built for two     

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#224037 - 02/06/10 05:28 AM FDK: The Man Who Would Be King - Part 2
Darth Michael Offline
Lane and Kent

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 192

Well? All comments appreciated smile

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Clark’s head was spinning. Zara was offering him a ticket home. Back to his family. Back to Lois. And all he had to do was consign an entire world to a life under the iron fist of a brutal megalomaniac.

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Nor stepped closer to the window and focused an imaginary spot in the center of the vortex. “Kal-El,” he growled. “Your father may have hidden you among the stars, but now I *am* coming for you, and you will come to regret the day that he sent you away.”


Thanks!

Michael

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#224113 - 02/13/10 06:22 PM Re: FDK: The Man Who Would Be King - Part 2 [Re: Darth Michael]
sheilah Offline
Lane and Kent

Registered: 04/12/01
Posts: 1593
Loc: Colorado
Hi, Michael,

I've been off-line again, so I apologize for being so late with FDK. A good section, even if it didn't really advance any plot other than the one with the Churches. I liked the choice of "gray pap" for the Kryptonian nutrient. It seemed very in character with their dislike of emotion and sensation. You really nailed Mindy's voice--her language and intonation, as well as her callous pursuit of whatever she wanted. That last paragraph between Martha and Jonathan was perfect, too.

Looking forward to the next part!
_________________________
Sheila Harper
Hopeless fan of a timeless love story

http://www.sheilaharper.com/

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#224129 - 02/14/10 01:22 PM Re: FDK: The Man Who Would Be King - Part 2 [Re: sheilah]
Darth Michael Offline
Lane and Kent

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 192
Hi Sheila!

Thanks! It's so great to see you back. Of course, now I have to apologize for not having the next part up yet. Have hit a bit of a writer's block with my Lois scenes for the next part. Hope to get it to my BRs tomorrow, though after having made a breakthrough tonight confused

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A good section, even if it didn't really advance any plot other than the one with the Churches.
smile I hope it's not too slow. Right now I'm still in the setup-part, working myself to the First Plot Point. Btw, I don't think I ever said thanks for the link to storyfix you posted in the other boards NANO thread smile

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I liked the choice of "gray pap" for the Kryptonian nutrient. It seemed very in character with their dislike of emotion and sensation.
Thanks! So glad it worked.

*yay* about Mindy. She's fun to write.

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That last paragraph between Martha and Jonathan was perfect, too.
*wew* Thanks. M&J are the hardest to get right. Much harder than Mindy wink

Michael

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